Greetings, motherfuckers! Perhaps you’ve heard about my upcoming project, Snakes on a Plane. And you haven’t, well crawl out from that cave, bitch, and get with the program!
And that ain’t all! I’m here to tell you about my future projects! That’s right, sucka, this is a fucking ex-clusive! In March of 2007, catch me in:
Bears on a Boat
Crocodiles on a Bus
Mosquitoes on a Submarine
Wolves on a Spaceship
Meerkats in an Elevator
Can you handle it?!
Wow, Kate! Samuel L. Jackson! What a coup!
*buys her tickets now for Wolves on a Spaceship.*
bwahahahahaahaha*snort*hahahahahaha
Hmmm. Meerkats on an Elevator. I like it.
A QUESTION FOR MR. JACKSON:
What was the idea behind Snakes on a Plane?
Thank you sir! I’m a huge fan!
Well, we thought we’d put SNAKES on a motherfucking PLANE! Dig?
I want a celebrity guest blogger. Where do I sign up?
Alisha seems to know the most of them. I mean, she’s had Mo Rocca, Gary Coleman, and Emmanuel Lewis.
I mean, not HAD. You know…
Anyway, Mr. Jackson and I go way back.
Dear Mr. Jackson,
You are amazing! Some people say that the idea for “Snakes on a Plane” is too simple. Stupid even. How do you reply to these bitches?
Signed,
Your biggest fan
Simple? Of course. But therein lies the goddamned beauty of it. We’re cutting through all the fucking claptrap and getting straight to the snakes. On a plane.
What about Coyotes on a Toboggan? I heard Matthew McConaghey turned down the lead, and it might go to Heath Ledger now.
Dear Mr. Jackson,
Right now, I am a punk-ass bitch working in tech support. But I feel strongly that I am qualified to become a serious motherfucker. How can your new movie, Snakes on a Plane, be useful in this process of transformation?
Signed,
A fan