Let me first say this: Kaylee is an absolute joy to have around. It is a rare day that she doesn’t make my life better for being in it, in the awesomely cool things she does and says, in the way she’s growing up to be a real person that I would CHOOSE to spend time with. I mean, sure, it’s frustrating when she thinks she doesn’t understand something, when you know that concept is totally in there, it just needs the right keys to unlock it. Because when you find that key? That’s a fun parenting moment there, too.
And she and Sean have such a great time playing together, whether it’s with his superheroes, her dress-up clothes, or their combined weaponry. If we weren’t in the middle of potty training him, we could leave them to their own devices for hours, quite happily.
But I’ve recently found myself saying the same thing, over and over to her. “Kaylee, please be his sister, not his parent.” After the umpteenth time I heard myself say some version of that this morning (with more than a little frustration in my voice), I sat down with her to try to explain myself a little better.
I think it’s partly the age difference, and maybe partly because we do ask her, nay, depend on her to help us out, but it seems like she’s often trying to reframe my requests to Sean. My asking Sean to come get dressed for school in the morning sees Kaylee repeating things I’ve said before, “Sean, you can’t go to school in pajamas! You have to go get dressed so you can play with your friends,” etc. If I’m being generous, is it that I want him to be annoyed with me for pulling him away from his fun and games to go do something he doesn’t want to, as opposed to being mad at his sister?
I do know it was somewhat hard for me to be more specific when I spoke with Kaylee afterwards, about what feels like “parenting” when it comes from her. And I’m sure that’s frustrating for her, too. I know she’s trying to be helpful when she does it, and it’s such a fine line that even I have a hard time seeing it. So maybe I’m throwing this out there to see if any of my readers have an idea of how I can help define that line. Or if it’s even worthwhile to do so? Should I just let her “parent” him? Is that just part of her being 8 with a 3-year-old brother?
Any and all advice is appreciated!
